you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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