Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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