Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
honey bunches of taint.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
