So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
