They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
