Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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