They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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