Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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