perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
tequila makes me forget i have legs
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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