maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
