I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So many bounce houses so little time
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize