just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
