In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
