trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
