He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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