blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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