i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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