Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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