youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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