First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
