can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
