so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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