I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Bring me that man meat
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
