I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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