Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need to calm my uterus...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
