im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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