That's intense
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
