Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
