I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
