I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is the high leading the old right now
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
