brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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