Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
