so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
