Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
