Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
