Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
