the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
