Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
