I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
