All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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