Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize