I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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