shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
