8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
