I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
