you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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