I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I need moral support for this bender
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
