Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
