There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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