Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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