i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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