Whod you bang
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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