so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
