He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
