The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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