listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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