I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
