She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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