i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
