i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
