I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
