I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
