you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
