btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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