All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
