bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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