I want to make a zoo with you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
