Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
