I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
