I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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