2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My penis needs a shock collar
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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