Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
