I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
